Chrissy Teigen Pens Emotional Essay On Miscarriage, Explains Why She Shared Heartbreaking Photos

She wrote, "I absolutely knew I needed to share this story."

Chrissy Teigen was told she could have died during childbirth when she suffered her devastating pregnancy loss this month.

The 34-year-old model and her husband John Legend sadly lost their third child, Jack, earlier this month when he passed away after being delivered at just 20 weeks old, and Chrissy has now opened up on the tragic incident.

Chrissy had been experiencing heavy blood loss before Jack was delivered, and has said she was diagnosed with a “partial placenta abruption”.

Writing in a lengthy essay for Medium — the first time she's opened up about her miscarriage since her social media post — she said: “I was previously on bedrest for over a month, just trying to get the little dude to 28 weeks, a ‘safer’ zone for the fetus. My doctors diagnosed me with partial placenta abruption. We monitored it very closely, hoping for things to heal and stop. In bed, I bled and bled, lightly but all day, changing my own diapers every couple of hours when the blood got uncomfortable to lay in.

“My bleeding was getting heavier and heavier. The fluid around Jack had become very low — he was barely able to float around. At some points, I swore it was so low I could lay on my back and feel his arms and legs from outside my belly.”

Chrissy was then given the devastating news that Jack “wouldn’t survive”, as doctors warned her that if she carried on bleeding, there was a chance she could lose her own life as well.

She added: “After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye. He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either. We had tried bags and bags of blood transfusions, every single one going right through me like we hadn’t done anything at all.

“Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning. I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness. Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again. Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw. Utter and complete sadness.”

Chrissy also mentioned she wanted John to take pictures of her during the aftermath of her pregnancy loss, “no matter how uncomfortable it was”. 

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We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before. We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough. . . We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital. But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever. . . To our Jack - I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn’t give you the home you needed to survive. We will always love you. . . Thank you to everyone who has been sending us positive energy, thoughts and prayers. We feel all of your love and truly appreciate you. . . We are so grateful for the life we have, for our wonderful babies Luna and Miles, for all the amazing things we’ve been able to experience. But everyday can’t be full of sunshine. On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it.

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​​​​​​​She said: “I had asked my mom and John to take pictures, no matter how uncomfortable it was. I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them, and that I did not want to have to ever ask. That he just had to do it.

“He hated it. I could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time. But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story.”

Chrissy received a lot of flak for posting the pictures on social media, but has said she doesn’t “care” what other people think about her actions.

She added: “I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me."

Chrissy — who has Luna, four, and Miles, two, with John — said she and her husband will bury Jack’s ashes in the soil of a tree at their home.

She wrote: “I dunno how long he had been waiting to be delivered for. That will probably always haunt me. Just writing it makes my nose and eyes tingle with tears. All I know now is his ashes are in a small box, waiting to be put into the soil of a tree in our new home, the one we got with his room in mind.” — BANG



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