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Maybe you’ve received the text from the Ministry of Health alerting you of your possible exposure to a Covid-19 case linked to the recent KTV cluster, and don’t know how to explain to your wife or girlfriend what you were doing there when you said you were in a meeting. Then how?

You're in luck. During Chinese New Year, you can rent a boyfriend or girlfriend to fend off questions from kaypoh relatives. During a pandemic, however, you can pay for an alibi to explain how you got caught in a Covid-19 cluster.

Specifically, the growing cluster linked to at least nine KTV establishments operating as F&B outlets and social hostesses that frequent these places that has emerged this week. 

At press time, 54 cases are currently linked to this cluster, comprising staff, patrons and hostesses linked to these outlets: Supreme KTV at Far East Shopping Centre, Empress KTV at Tanglin Shopping Centre, and Club Dolce at Balestier Point, WU Bistro at Golden Mile Complex, Club De Zara at Textile Centre, Terminal 10 in Clarke Quay, and three clubs in Middle Road — One Exclusive, Level 9 and Club M.

The authorities have offered free Covid-19 testing to staff and visitors or clubs or who have interacted with Vietnamese social hostesses. But understandably, not everyone is willing to come forward for the tests. Because, well, let’s just say people don’t frequent these venues for the food, and food and drink are the only things they're legally allowed to serve during this time. 

Sensing the social and moral conundrums arising from this tricky situation, an enterprising Carouseller has stepped up to the plate to offer KTV alibi services at a wallet-friendly price of, ahem, $500.

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Listed simply as ‘KTV Alibi services’, the Carouseller then goes on to elaborate the nature of their services. “Did you recently go to one of the KTV/nightspots under crackdown for an innocent dinner and not expect to be involved in a serious Covid cluster where it is kind of awkward now to explain to your wife or girlfriend?” it reads.

“[F]or a small fee, you can hire me to be your alibi for whatever excuse you like and I can take the fall for you,” the Carouseller continues. There’s only one condition: it cannot involve anything illegal.

Said Carouseller must also know the importance of pimping yourself in a well-written CV, because they add in their prior experience. “I have taken the fall for countless bros who got discovered by their WAGs (wives and girlfriends) for their indiscretions, but due to my professionalism, all hate was directed only to me and they got away scot-free!”

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The first listing has since been taken down, less than four hours since it was put up, though another new one has since popped up at a more competitive price of... $499.

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Of course, this is all presumably tongue-in-cheek. But with that said, if you’re desperate enough to respond to a Carousell listing as such (or know someone in the situation), may we suggest the more responsible route of manning up and getting tested (find out how here). Or at the very least get a Covid-19 self-test kit and do the swab in the comfort of your home.

Photos: Carousell screenshots, Facebook/ Terminal 10, Club M Singapore, One Exclusive, WU Bistro

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