Halloween Horror Nights 13: Stop Teasing And Just Turn This Haunted House Into A Movie Already

Name of the event: Halloween Horror Nights 13

When is this happening? Sep 26 — Nov 1, Universal Studios Singapore, Resorts World Singapore, 8 Sentosa Gateway

Admission: From $68 (non-peak) or $78 (peak) via the Resorts World Sentosa website (price includes entry to Universal Studios Singapore); HHN will only begin at 7.15pm

What can I expect? The usual delightful chaos — four haunted houses, two scare zones, three live shows… and way too many strangers screaming directly into your ear canals.

You don’t sound too thrilled. Are you going to drop that “real life is scarier” spiel? Well, yeah actually. Aren’t we living in a reality show from Hell? Honestly, the news makes HHN look like a cozy bedtime story. But I’m digressing.  

Okay, I get the picture. You should go easy on the doomscrolling. So, pray tell, why subject yourself to the ordeal again if you’re not into it? To quote a line from the Octopussy theme song: “All I wanted was a sweet distraction for an hour or two.” Except, it was sweaty, not sweet. But still. As much as I hate crowds, I love gatherings. Isn’t it ironic? Haunted houses are basically rage rooms where nobody smashes furniture — you just scream like a banshee without worrying HR (or worse, Mothership) will file a report.

Like The Purge, sans the murder. Exactly. Plus, screaming makes for a great cardio workout. Studies say horror flicks burn calories. HHN isn’t a flick, but those scare actors commit like their lives depend on it. Besides, I wanted to complete my HHN trilogy reviews. Three is a holy number.

The Unruly Immortals? Déjà vu alert! Based on the smash online novel published by Chinese story platform Yuewen and billed as “a fever dream of demons and hellish realms”, but it felt like HHN 11’s Diyu: Descent into Hell. Still, one character stood out: a mahjong tile-headed demon. Pure nightmare fuel.

Death Whisperer? It’s okay! Adapted from the hit 2023 Thai horror flick Tee Yod — which spawned two sequels — Death Whisperer is about a bad-haired, bad-skinned ghost terrorising a 1970s village. I couldn’t tell who were screaming, the actors or the guests? Is this what happens when the inmates run the asylum? Cats and dogs living together! Mass hysteria! And yes, that’s a compliment.  

Anything else to add? I was really psyched for the Blumhouse showcase, but it turned out to be a tad underwhelming — not unlike the company’s recent theatrical slate (Hello, M3GAN 2.0, Wolf Man!). It’s hard to get excited over cocktails inspired by Blumhouse movies, unless you’re a drinker. That, and the projection light show. I didn’t stick around for that; I bolted to the Revenge of the Mummy and Transformers rides. Those never get old. Sometimes you need classic thrills over fancy lights.

That wasn’t nice. Hey, whose side are you on? Besides, with hundreds of content creators and media folks on that press tour, I doubt anyone noticed if a few went missing.

Closing remarks? I don’t think I’m wired for another HHN. In any case, I do have notes for the next one. Picture this: House of 1,000 Killer Karens. Facing one is terrifying enough — a thousand? That’s the stuff of true horror. Or here’s another: a group of struggling shop owners hire a witch doctor to trap greedy landlords’ souls in a GCB. It’s time to give those heartless twats a taste of their own medicine. Call it poetic justice…or Rent Control from Hell. Working title, of course. Can you see it?

Photos: Douglas Tseng, Pyron Tan