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5 Ways To Surviving Lunar New Year: An Introvert’s Guide

No. 3 and No. 5 involve foodpanda. 
5 Ways To Surviving Lunar New Year: An Introvert’s Guide

Introvert: a reserved or quiet person who tends to be introspective, and enjoys spending time alone. Avoids crowds or large gatherings.

Let’s just put it out there, shall we? Introverts aren’t party animals. If anything, we were born in the mood to be alone. Which means we’re not huge fans of parties where the guest list is more than two or three people. Who must be, like, really good friends, and not some complete stranger or someone we might see once a year.

So you can imagine why introverts approach Lunar New Year in much the same way a group of teenagers might approach an abandoned cabin in the woods in the dark of the night. All those visits. Those kaypoh relatives. The horror! For days and days. All that sudden attention the minute we step through the front door, clutching our little red bags with the mandarin oranges in them like a shield. And the whole time, we’re wishing we were home alone, bingeing on foodpanda takeout in solitary bliss.

But fret not, introverts of the world. Help is here. Specifically, this tried and tested guide to surviving the LNY celebrations with your sanity intact. You’re welcome.

1. THE COMEBACK KID

Build up a repertoire of responses to the inevitable flood of LNY questions and hilarious (not) jokes from well-intentioned, but clueless, relatives and friends. To the question, “When are you getting married?”, you could start with “Haha!” on the first day of visiting, and work your way up the passive-aggressive scale to “Well, I was married, but she recently left me for the postman” by the 12th day.

2. POINT BREAK

Bring along a trusted friend as a plus-one to every LNY gathering. Their job is to run point, like Tom Cruise in his jet-fighter, against anyone attempting to intrude into your air-space. Your code could be a whispered “Incoming!”, so that the second Auntie Wai Ling approaches, your Maverick launches into intercept mode with, say, “Oh my God, I have been looking for that exact shade of lipstick!”

3. SUPERSIZE ME

Stay for an hour max, then excuse yourself to the toilet and don’t come back. Honestly, no one will notice you’re gone. Unless your parents are also there, in which case you’ll just have to stay put and stay under the radar. Busy yourself with the excuse of getting food by ordering a bunch of yummies from foodpanda. Think Mr Bean, Long John Silver’s, Yum Cha and Takagi Ramen and many more.  Go for broke. It’ll give you an opportunity to slip away and avoid all those questions and conversations.

And no one will wonder why anyone needs so much food when you explain that over LNY, it’s 28% off when you tapau with foodpanda’s pick-up. Everyone loves a deal, especially when there’s the added benefit of skipping the queue. Which will really please the mahjong aunties who’ll love you for being so helpful, and maybe even slip you an even bigger red packet from their winnings.

4. ALL IN THE FAMILY

The minute you arrive, zero in on the relative you dislike the least. Chances are, they’re dreading being there just as much as you are, and will be extremely grateful they have someone to talk to. If nothing else, this is a chance to have a proper one-on-one catch-up because, at the end of the day, when all is said and done, family matters.

5. EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN

The chief characteristic of an introvert is a reluctance to speak in public. Which, at LNY, is a huge asset because no one can comment on your silence if your mouth is full. In other words, in this Year of the Rabbit, be like a rabbit and don’t stop eating. Take a huge bite of your super crisp Texas Chicken drumstick whilst signalling to your interrogator with a finger that you didn’t hear their question because of the loud crunch of the skin and that you’ll get back to them in a second. And if they’re still loitering, start tucking into yummies from Soup Restaurant and Pizza Hut. After a while of watching you chew slowly, they’ll get bored and go away and torture someone else.

“The upside is that you can do this all day because over the LNY festivities, it’s 28% off food delivery orders from select restaurants on foodpanda when you use the code HAREWEGO. Clever, no?”

 

Photos: foodpanda, Angela Roma

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