The Jason Hahn Files: Is Snowflake Mountain The Best Reality Show You've Never Seen? - 8 Days Skip to main content

The Jason Hahn Files: Is Snowflake Mountain The Best Reality Show You've Never Seen?

The Netflix reality series is about a group of pampered young people left to their own devices in the wilderness. 
The Jason Hahn Files: Is Snowflake Mountain The Best Reality Show You've Never Seen?

It’s been over 10 years now since Amy Chua published Tiger Hymn of the Tiger Mother and made a gazillion dollars. Everyone in the West went completely gaga over it. Here, finally was the explanation for why Asian students were always getting all the top grades and snatching up the scholarships and top jobs in Silicon Valley: it was their super-fierce, kan-cheong mothers!

My sister said she couldn’t believe the book was a bestseller. For years after, she told everyone that if she’d known how easy it was to write a bestseller, she would have done it herself ages ago. Of course, she said the same thing about Harry Potter and Twilight.

Her point was that all Amy Chua had done was to basically describe our mother, right down to her sniffing indifference to anything less than an A+, except in her case, she extended that snobbish belligerence to sport — an area traditionally ignored by Tiger Mothers, unless their progeny was into gymnastics and ice-skating. There’s something about these two sports that stirs the competitive streak in Tiger Mothers. When my brother Jack came home one day with the third-place ribbon for the 100m dash, Mother didn’t even look up from her mahjong.

Michelle has also always said that with such a Spartan approach to demonstrative parental love, it’s a miracle that the three of us didn’t grow up into disturbed homicidal maniacs.

“We’re shockingly normal!” she told Saffy over coffee recently, adding, “Well, except for the weekly therapy sessions, but that’s just mental maintenance.”

Saffy’s bosom lifted half-heartedly as she sipped her chai latte. “Ugh. I wish your mother had been the mother of Jennifer.”

“Who’s Jennifer?”

“My junior HR executive!” Saffy moaned. “She’s 23 and completely useless!”

Eight months into her role, Jennifer, who’d graduated top of her class at Princeton, had, according to Saffy, an unsettling habit of dissolving into tears at the hint of a disparaging word.

Michelle, who had just spent the weekend bingeing on Snowflake Mountain on Netflix, immediately perked up. “Oh, God, she should’ve been on that show! A bunch of prima donnas!”

“I watched one episode,” Saffy said, “and I couldn’t go on. It was so depressing. It was like they’d come to the office and filmed me and my staff. I mean, Jennifer is just like Solomon! A total snowflake!”

Michelle sucked in her breath. “Oh, he’s the best. I live for his outfits and his misguided conviction in his own abilities!”

“Jennifer is his exact twin sister,” Saffy said, her bosom too depressed to even lift. “She’s convinced she knows it all and she’s got nothing to learn from me or anyone else in the office!”

When Saffy’s boss returned Jennifer’s quarterly report with a request that she make a number of corrections, she walked into Saffy’s office and had a mini-breakdown. “How could he not like my report?” she cried in ascending octaves like a Mariah Carey encore. “I spent hours and hours on it!”

Saffy said she spent half an hour comforting her junior, patting her on the back and making soothing noises. “Listen,” she said finally, after the sobbing had stopped. “That’s life. Bosses are always going to be like that. It’s no big deal. So, just read Mark’s comments, and incorporate them into your second draft!”

Jennifer’s limpid eyes started tearing again. Within seconds, she’d dissolved into another weeping fit.

Saffy sat back and took a deep breath. “Oh my God! What are you crying about now?”

“I don’t like the tone you’re using!” Jennifer wailed.

“Seriously?” Michelle said.

“I wasted an hour comforting that twerp,” Saffy told her. “A week later, she quit. Her exact words were, ‘I don’t feel my talents are being recognised in this firm. It’s a hostile work environment that devalues its staff.’”

Michelle sighed in astonishment. “No…”

“The best part is that no one actually scolded her. All my boss wanted was a few more bits of info. No one said it was a crap report! And I actually comforted her, and you know I’m not a people person!” Saffy added, completely unaware, as head of her firm’s HR department, of the irony of her statement.

“The worst!” Michelle agreed.

“When I was her age, I had a boss who basically yelled at me every single day for three years and I never cried once!” Saffy hesitated. “Well, there was that one time, but I cried, very softly, in the ladies loo!”

Michelle nodded. “Been there, too.”

Utterly depressed at the trajectory of her life, Saffy ordered another cake. “Seriously, Netflix should just do a documentary of my office life and call it Snowflake Office. I’ve got an entire office of proper full-on Solomons!”

Snowflake Mountain is now streaming on Netflix. 

Photo: Peter Dadds/Netflix

 

Want More? Check These Out

You May Also Like