Fifty Shades Freed (R21)
Starring Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan
Directed by James Foley
Fifty Shades Freed is really, really awful. But I have to hand it to the filmmakers, at least it’s consistently awful with its predecessors, Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker — they're just going through the motion.
The threequel sees kinky couple Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele (Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson, still trying to find chemistry where there’s none) tackling marriage, stalkers, unplanned pregnancy, and more Red Room shenanigans.
It’s a watered-down Skinemax flick riddled with stilted dialogue and maudlin melodrama, where the second most exciting part is a car chase from an ’80s cop show. And the first? When the end credits roll. (*1/2)