'Baywatch' Is The Perfect Brainless Summer Movie

Pay attention to the number of times Priyanka Chopra changed her clothes.

Baywatch (M18)

Starring Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Priyanka Chopra 

Directed by Seth Gordon

I have a major problem with Baywatch and it’s that I don’t want to review it. Seriously. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it isn’t worth reviewing. I’m just simply saying, what would be the point, really? I just to want to chill and revel in the sun-soaked silliness of a movie that’s based on a 1990s cheesy TV series that had David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson as lifeguards who spend most of their screen-time running in slow motion. 

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m numbed from those go-for-broke extravaganzas with special effects-heavy, video gamey climactic showdowns.After a while, they all look the same. And Baywatch is the perfect mindless getaway to help me detox. 

Ten minutes into the screening, I stopped scribbling notes in the dark. All I had were mental bullet points. Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron work well together as mismatched lifeguard buddies. The girls are hot in their swimsuits. Jon Bass, the only out-of-shape actor in the movie, is adorkable. Priyanka Chopra — as the villain — looks like she’s taking a holiday from Quantico. Plenty of pleasant distractions and raunchy gags. Plan holiday. Remember to hit the gym. 

Baywatch is a soft drink movie — for two hours, it’ll help you beat the scorching heat and quench your thirst. Is it nourishing? Don’t think so. In fact, you’ll probably forget about it once you’re out of the cinema.

But that’s okay. Life is too short to deconstruct a movie that's based on a 1990s cheesy TV series about lifeguards who spend most of their screen-time running in slow motion. Everyone has a guilty pleasure and this is mine. Deal with it.  (***1/2)

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