It’s that time of the year were we do some soul-searching and reflect on the crappy movies we’ve suffered through in the last 12 months. Here are our picks, not in any order of awfulness.
Killer Not Stupid
We should be grateful that Singapore-Taiwan relations weren’t hurt by Jack Neo’s schlocky action lame-dy about two clueless hitmen on the lam in ROC. There’s a special place for this kind of unremarkable tosh: it’s called not-in-a-cinema.
Whatever goodwill M Night Shyamalan earned from Split and The Visit is flushed down the toilet with this torpid meta comic book drama which is all talk and little action. And when the action does kick in, it’s us looking for the exit.
Rambo: Last Blood
Sylvester Stallone could’ve given his iconic character a respectable send-off a la Unforgiven. But he botched it up and turned it into an unforgivably ugly revenge thriller where he takes out the Mexican cartel with extreme prejudice.
When Ghost Meets Zombie
One day a brave soul will come forward and shed light on what transpired in the pitch meeting for this half-baked supernatural rot-com. If the Razzies had an international category, we would gladly submit this for their consideration. And we might actually win.
The Dead Don’t Die
American indie film stalwart Jim Jarmusch’s star-studded (show off!) but lifeless and pointless zombie picture remind us of what late film critic Gene Siskel once asked, “Is this movie better than a documentary of the same actors having lunch?”
We strongly suspect that director Fruit Chan went for an extended lunch break and never returned to finish this crazys*** flick about serial killers, MMA fighters, and friggin’ dragons. Crazy we can handle; it’s the s*** part we can’t.
X-Men: Dark Phoenix
This s***ty remake of X-Men: The Last Men (equally s***ty) is miserable to sit through. From the action to the acting, everything feels labored and pedestrian. The overqualified cast look like they rather be somewhere else than to be part of this clunky junk. Us, too.
It pains me to include Ang Lee on this list, but his sci-fier — starring Will Smith as duelling assassin clones — is a serious snoozer through and through. Yes, it’s a technological marvel (high frame rate, digital doppelgängers) but where’s the fun?
Honorary mentions: Hellboy, Last Christmas, Ma, Revenge of the Pontianak, Men in Black: International