If you haven’t watched Avengers: Infinity War aka One of the Biggest Movies Of All Time yet, click that little X on the top right corner of your browser NOW. (Story continues below)
If you’re still reading this, it either means you’ve seen the blockbuster and are gasping for air and answers, or you don’t care about spoilers. So here we go.
#1: They weren’t kidding when they said superheroes were gonna bite the dust. But who knew they were gonna kill off SO MANY?
Talk about a groundbreaking plot twist, and the boldest move this side of superhero movie history. So who else walked out of the movie theatre stunned, thinking: “Was it all a dream?” In the last few moments of an action-packed two hours and 23 minutes, Spider-Man, Doctor Strange, almost all of the Guardians of the Galaxy and Black Panther (Wakanda not forever?!?), among others, evaporated into dust and seemingly died… surely that was a dream sequence? I mean, they said superhero lives were on the line, but everyone’s money was on Cap or Iron Man… not poor young Peter Parker! And certainly not T’Challa! (In the screening I attended, BP’s ‘evaporation’ got the loudest gasps) We filed out of the cinema in dazed silence — what just happened? Like that the Marvel Cinematic Universe got any superheroes left or not? Do we have to go watch DC films for our superhero fix now?
#2 Wah, no one expected Thanos to get all the infinity stones so quickly, right?
I mean, Harry Potter took two films, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1 and Part 2 to destroy all seven horcruxes, and Thanos got all six infinity stones in like what, two hours, and proceeded to immediately turn half of all living things to dust with a snap of his fingers? Okay, fine, not quite the same, but you know what we mean. These things are usually stretched out, especially when you know there’s gonna be Avengers: Infinity War – Part 2 (that’s what Avengers 4 was initially titled, though they’re now just calling it Avengers 4, for now). That means the sequel, touted as the Great Big MCU Finale — slated for release in May 2019 (it’s already been filmed, btw — Avengers 3 and 4 were shot back to back) will be all about repair and salvation.
#3: Okay, so if killing off at least 16 Marvel heroes isn’t just a bad dream, the only feasible next course of action is to turn back time, right?
Except that the Time Stone is now in the hand (literally) of Thanos, and Dr Strange, who can play around with time, is molecular toast. Damn. Though didn’t Dr Strange see all the millions of ways this war can play out, and say there was only one scenario in which the Avengers win, then decide to give up the Time Stone to Thanos and save Iron Man? This must mean that this particular move is the only way to win, and that Iron Man’s survival is integral to eventual victory. Maybe Tony will invent a time machine? I mean, in a superhero film where anything is possible, and alternate timelines and realities are the norm, no one really dies, right?
#4 Except maybe Loki, Gamora and Vision. They’re probably really dead, dead.
If these characters didn’t really die, then it’ll really be cheat my feelings. After all, they didn’t suffer evaporation deaths, but real deaths.
#5 Also, don’t Black Panther, Spidey and the Guardians have sequels or threequels in the works? Uh-huh.
Don’t cry for them, movie-goers. The only thing to do is wait for Avengers 4 to see how Black Panther, Spider-Man, Star Lord, Drax, Groot and Mantis survived/reversed their dusty fates. Unless their sequels are set before the events of Infinity War, maybe. But can Star Lord keep calm and carry on without Gamora? Maybe she’ll be back too, actually. Who knows?
#6 So who’s coming to save the world?
Of course you stuck around for the post-credits scene. You saw Nicky Fury and Maria Hill crumble to ashes, but not before Samuel L Jackson managed to send out one last emergency page — to Captain Marvel (that was her star-like logo flashing on the pager). According to Marvel Studios chief Kevin Feige, she is MCU’s Most. Powerful. Superhero. Wow. And Captain Marvel, the March 2019 film starring Oscar winner Brie Larson as the titular airforce pilot-turned-superhuman with alien DNA, is the first MCU movie led by a female superhero. Double wow. So will she be the one to beat Thanos and undo all of this disintegrating-into-dust madness? We’ll find out next May.
#7 Why didn’t they send Scarlet Witch to defeat Thanos when he had just two stones? And why is Star Lord such a loser in this film?
Niggling personal gripes for me: Hello, Wanda held off Thanos when he was armed with a fully-gemmed Infinity Gauntlet, and she did it with one hand. Why didn’t anyone send her to zap him to nowhere (not Knowhere) when he had just two infinity stones? Like Okoye (love her!) asks, why was SW hiding when they were all on the field fighting Thanos’ evil minions? Also, when did Chris Pratt become the comic relief? Okay, so the Guardians of the Galaxy are the funniest folks in the MCU, but poor Star Lord was made to feel like such a Beta male beside Thor’s alpha, and even got called out for putting on a little weight. And his emo-ness totes ruined the plan to remove the Infinity Gauntlet and defeat Thanos. Wonder if Dr Strange saw that coming?