Sonia Chew & Her Boyfriend Once Wrote A List Of What They Liked & Disliked About Each Other To Help Their Relationship

When Sonia asked Jeremy if he could remember a time when they had “a small tiff that escalated into a really big argument”, he recalled a conversation where Sonia suddenly asked him, “You’re angry, is it?”

Even though he reassured her that he wasn’t, she kept probing him with, “No, I think you’re angry.” “And the more she said it, the angrier I got!” he laughed.

“I remember that argument, actually,” Sonia added. “It was really a ‘nothing’ argument. I actually don’t even remember the reason why I thought you were angry! (Laughs)”

According to Sonia, that little dispute ended “with someone leaving the situation and closing the door to cool down”, most probably Jeremy. So how did they make up in the end?

“In a situation like that when things escalate, irrelevant stuff gets brought into the argument, and we recognised that after cooling down,” said Jeremy. “So having time out is important, but having time in is equally important to walk through what actually is the issue and then talk calmly about it.”

As for their advice for couples who may be experiencing communication issues, here’s a piece of advice Jeremy heard from his friend: “When there’s an argument, write all your thoughts down, but don’t send that letter immediately. Come back and read it again a day later, amend certain things, then send it.”

“This gives the reader the chance to digest all the feelings at one go ‘cos if it was communicated live, then the person might interject.”

Sonia and Jeremy have personally tried this before and believe that it works. Two years ago, after having a row, they wrote down a list of what they liked and what they couldn’t stand about each other, and Sonia reported that it “really helped”.

“‘Cos it was point blank, in black and white, in your face, what I love and don’t love so much, and then we fixed it from there, and it’s safe to say that we addressed 80 to 90 per cent of it?”

Of course, while they’ve managed to find a good balance in communication, Jeremy acknowledges that “the difference will inherently be there”. After all, Sonia is more vocal and expressive (no surprises there, considering she’s a 987FM DJ), while Jeremy prefers to be more direct.

“It’s about finding that bridge, and even this bridge, in terms of communication, is not just between genders, but also across age gaps,” he said, referring to the 14-year difference between them. “So finding that platform where you can come and have an exchange of ideas in a rational, neutral fashion — that is essentially communication.”

Sonia also encourages couples who have trouble solving communication breakdowns on their own to consider seeing a counsellor. “I think there’s nothing wrong with seeking professional help or a third person’s point of view.”

You can listen to the full podcast on meLISTEN here or watch the video here.

Photos: Sonia Chew/Instagram, itsclarityco/YouTube