“Is 'Netflix and Chill' an actual thing?” Saffy asked the other morning.
As breakfast conversations go, this one came right out of left field.
Over the top of her handphone, on which she was checking the latest Kardashian spat, Amanda’s eyes swivelled towards me. “Why?” she asked eventually.
Saffy’s bosom inflated half-heartedly. “Well, I keep reading about people who Netflix and chill, but I’ve never met anyone who’s actually done it. Like, I mean, is Netflix literally involved or could you also be, oh, I don’t know, Pokemon-ing?”
“First of all,” Amanda began, “I think the whole thing is for young single people."
Saffy frowned. “Well, we’re sing…”
“Young, single people,” Amanda stressed. “Young people stay up till 2am. The three of us are in bed by 10pm.”
“I’m already sleepy by 9.30,” I pointed out.
“My point is, young people have different energy levels. They can actually stay awake for an entire movie. I missed half of Avengers: Endgame because I fell asleep shortly after Captain Marvel showed up.”
“Stupid movie,” said Saffy, who’d basically cried through the last half hour of the movie and for two days after, sobbed every time she thought of Robert Downey, Jr.
“Second of all,” Amanda went on, “how many single people have their own apartments where they can chill without other people? And if they’re not single, they’re either unhappily married or bitterly divorced, in which case Netflix and chilling would be the last thing on their minds on a Saturday night!”
“I’d rather be applying an SK-II mask, to be honest!” Saffy said.
Amanda pursed her lips. “There you go then. So, to answer your question, no, I don’t think 'Netflix and Chill' is an actual thing. It’s probably some great PR stunt Netflix dreamed up.”
Later that morning, the first thing Saffy did when she got into the office was to ask Sharyn if she had ever Netflixed and chilled.
Sharyn’s eyes widened. “Eeeeeee!” she moaned. “Where got?! So old, orredi, still got Netflix and chill, meh?”
“You mean you and Simon never get all hot and sexy?” Saffy asked, an image she later told us was bound to feed her nightmares.
Sharyn shrugged. “Our air-con break down, so got hot, but not sexy. Some more, where got energy? We work all day. Go home, scream at children do their homework and then eat dinner, is time for bed liau! Also, we don’t have Netflix, so how to Netflix and chill?” she added, her eyes saucer-wide behind her Coke bottle-thick spectacles.
The topic occupied us for days which Saffy said proved Amanda’s point in the first place — that only young single people had the time and energy to Netflix and chill. Those of us who weren’t young and single anymore could only speculate endlessly about it.
Barney Chen flexed his thick biceps and suggested that there were now apps for that kind of thing. “Besides, Saffy’s a hot girl, if you’re into that sort of thing,” he rumbled. “I would’ve thought she’d be frozen by now from all that Netflixing and chilling.”
“She’s in bed by 10pm,” I told him.
Barney’s eyebrows, freshly manicured after a Brow Resurrection at Spa Esprit, lifted. “What, you mean she’s actually sleeping?”
I was astonished. “You mean you’re not?”
His pecs bulged outwards. “What am I, Auntie Brenda?”
When I told Amanda, she shook her head. “Well, what time does he sleep then?” she asked.
“Not till at least midnight,” I reported. “Sometimes later, especially if the tennis is on and Nadal and Djokovic are playing. He says he finds all their loud grunting really puts him in the mood!”
Amanda squealed. “Who are these people?”
I suddenly remembered something. “Oh! And he says he Netflixes and chills at least three times a week, but for him, no movies are involved. And if they are, they’re usually not the sort that are allowed for general broadcasting.”
Saffy later complained that she felt like she was wasting her life. “Seriously, while other people are actually doing things, we’re sleeping! There’s something very wrong with that! They’re going to write that on my tombstone: She slept a lot. May She Now Rest in Peace!”
“I’ll make sure they write something more untruthful,” Amanda promised.
A few days later, during FaceTime with my parents, my mother said that the previous night she and Father had stayed in to watch a Netflix movie.
I blinked, well aware that a gaping black hole was opening right before me. The kind you should engage all your reverse thrusters for to escape its gravitational pull. Because there are some things you cannot unhear.
“Ten minutes in, he fell asleep!” Mother reported. “I was so disappointed!”
I sighed in relief.
“But luckily,” Mother went on, “I remembered Wimbledon was on. And Djokovic was playi…”
I disconnected the call.