S’pore Woman Seeks Advice About Her In-Laws Moving In To Their BTO; Gets Tons Of Marriage Advice Instead

If you're living with your in-laws in a flat in Singapore, perhaps you might have some words of wisdom for this Redditor.

Her in-laws are about to move in with her and husband in their BTO flat, and she’s not thrilled about the idea. Turning to Reddit for help, she asked: “Anyone living with parents/ in-law in their small BTO?”

“I’m going to have my in-laws staying with us ‘cos they downgraded and sold off their flat, the issue is they sold off without applying/ looking for a new flat first,” she revealed.

She went on to express slight annoyance as she doesn’t know how long her in-laws will be staying. They are looking to get new or sale of balance flats (SBF), which may take a long time to be available. “They don’t want resale ‘cos it’s expensive,” she added. 

According to her, her BTO is small, and she’s afraid of losing her personal space as her in-laws will be taking their living room. She mentioned: “Walls are thin, I can hear whatever they talk.”

However, the woman’s husband doesn’t see any issue with his parents moving in with them.

She explained: “We stayed at their house while waiting for BTO but I didn't have a say in it because they offered and it's his parents. I would have wanted to rent our own space.”

She’s also worried about losing her peace and quiet as she’s stressed out enough by people asking her questions at work. She then posed this question to those living with their parents or in-laws: “How do you cope with having your own space?”

Rather than words of advice, the woman received overwhelming responses about marriage advice. 

Many agreed her in-laws and HDB are not the crux of the issue, but rather, her husband’s unwillingness to put her concerns and comfort first. 

“He is supposed to communicate with his parents on your concerns and protect the marriage. If he disagrees with you, then the marriage communication itself is the issue. You will need to work it out with him,” opined one netizen. 

Others also felt like her husband should have “better boundaries” with his parents. 

“Husband doesn't see it as an issue because those are HIS parents and he's used to living under the same roof with them for (i'm assuming) at least over 20 years,” asserted another commenter. 

In one of her replies, the OP revealed: “Tried to discuss nicely once but [my husband] brushed it off as they provided their space now it's us helping them. My concern was how I can have my own space to play games. If this one he already refused to discuss, there's no way I can bring it up again. Apparently the in-laws say at most 3 months but we all know there's no way you can apply and get a new flat that fast.”

Redditors brought up the fact that the OP replied to suggestions saying things like she has “no choice”, or that she “doesn’t dare to go against” her husband. She also mentioned that her husband did not allow his parents to move into a rental flat as he wants to “take care of them”. 

Some urged her to have a proper discussion with her husband, with many agreeing that the size of her flat, in her case, is not the problem. As one netizen put it, the woman could live in a mansion where space is not an issue, but still feel uncomfortable with her in-laws around. 

Some pointed out the family should have had proper discussions about the older couple’s living plans before they even sold their house. They pointed out that the OP has her name on the deed, and thus, has a say in whether her in-laws can move in. 

They also warned her that her in-laws might end up choosing to stick around “for a long time”, and that she should stand up for herself. The alternative? Just “live with it”. 

Others called her husband a “red-flag” who “does not have respect for her”. The OP might be able to install soundproofing for her rooms, and establish house rules on the dos and don’ts in her space, but is that all to it?

Is the issue here really about living with one’s in-laws?

Photos: Reddit, CNA/ Tang See Kit