Love Languages In Relationships: How Important Are They & How Can Couples Overcome Differences To Make Things Work?

Love languages — how important are they in expressing care to your other half, and does their perspective influence how your gestures are received?

That’s what YES 933 DJ Hazelle Teo, 31, and her fiancé James Wong, 26, explored in the latest episode of their podcast Couple’s Classroom, discussing the ways they prefer to receive affection and the gestures that don’t resonate with them, according to love languages.

There are five main love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Each individual has their own ranking of these “languages.”

James’ primary love language is acts of service, shaped by observing his parents’ care while growing up, from his dad driving him and his two brothers to and from school, to his mum timing meals to be ready as they get home.

Hazelle, on the other hand, identifies physical touch as her top love language, though unlike James, it wasn’t learnt behaviour from her parents. 

“They are not the kind to kiss and hug each other at home. They are traditional Asian parents, I’ve probably only seen them hold hands five times,” she said, adding that she’s unsure why physical touch became her primary love language. 

“How much physical touch do you think is appropriate?” James asked. 

While he is comfortable with physical touch, he believes couples should maintain boundaries when is comes to public displays of affection, so as to not make others uncomfortable. 

The couple then revealed that they often give each other pecks on the cheek, even in front of their producers. 

Hazelle explained: “I always think, what if I die tomorrow and regret not kissing James on the cheek even when we’re out in public? Why do I care what people think when this is our relationship to hold and cherish? I’m not saying I’ll sit on James’ lap — that’s too much — but little things like hugging, holding hands, and pecks on the cheek are okay.”

Physical touch isn’t as important to James, but because it matters to Hazelle, he has grown comfortable expressing love in the way she values. That said, the pair has also learned that, with different love languages, some gestures might not be received as intended, or may not come as naturally to the other person.

James doesn’t mind picking Hazelle up at 3am, but they’ve established it’s not something Hazelle would do for him. 

“Driving people around in a car is really not on my favourites list,” she said. 

When James has to go to the airport at 2am, Hazelle would ask him to take a Grab instead of sending him off. While he admits that he would appreciate the gesture, he understands it’s just not her thing, with Hazelle explaining that she wouldn’t mind it as much if she didn’t have work the next day.

The couple are not big on receiving gifts. Hazelle prefers buying what she wants herself, while James feels pressured to appreciate a gift when it’s given.

On one occasion, Hazelle gifted James a Louis Vuitton necklace. Although James thought it was beautiful, he doesn’t wear necklaces. 

They went to the store to exchange it, but as he tried to pick a replacement, he noticed Hazelle growing unhappy. He later learned she was hurt that he was “trying so hard” to replace the gift she chose. 

“I was upset because everything he picked out was so ugly — the formal shoes, the sunglasses — and honestly, nothing beat the necklace I picked for him,” she said.

That was one of several moments that taught them they are not always on the same page when it comes to showing appreciation, despite good intentions.

Hazelle later surprised James with a trip to Hangzhou for his 26th birthday, and while it was a gift, James says that he genuinely enjoyed it as he loves travelling. 

The couple acknowledges that understanding each other’s perspectives takes effort. While they’ve had to navigate differences, like Hazelle’s love of cafés versus James’ aversion to overpriced drinks, they’ve learned to focus on what brings joy to both each other, and in turn, themselves.

Photos: Mediacorp, Tan Danh/ Pexels, balance.media

You can catch the full episode of Couple’s Classroom on YouTube, or watch it below.