Finding Out Your Parent Cheated: Man Shares How His Father's Infidelity Has Affected His Growing Years

Cheating on one's partner is never ideal, but when the cheater is a parent, the impact on the kids can be far greater than you think.

Listeners of The Chic Code Channel's Cerita Sasuey podcast recently found that out when hosts Sofia Arissa Arman and Wirda Elliesa received a heartbreaking account from a listener.

Said listener is a 24-year-old man who, back when he was just 14 years old, discovered that his dad was cheating on his mum and needed advice on the complicated situation that has stretched on for 10 years.

At the time, he often borrowed his dad’s iPhone to take photos as his phone was an older model. One day, while using the phone, he came across a chat in which his father was sending explicit texts and photos to another woman.

He did not tell anyone — including his mum — about the shocking discovery, bottling up all his emotions as a teenager. 

"I don't know why I never told my mum that my dad cheated on her. Maybe because I knew it at a very young age, and I just didn't know how to tell her. But I believed one day Allah would show [her the truth]," he said. 

"It was so disturbing that it really affected me growing up, especially in high school. I became a student that was problematic, always causing problems with my parents. I was rude and didn't want to study. I needed attention, and somehow, I feel like knowing my dad cheated is one of the reasons why I was like that," he penned. 

When his parents lectured him about his "problematic" behaviour, he ignored them. On one occasion, his mum scolded him, begged him to change, and even kneeled before him and apologised for "failing as a mother". 

"When I was growing up in high school, my life was bad. Drugs, skipping school, even having sex with someone older. I didn't like going home because [when I looked at] my parents, I felt like I was living a lie because I knew what my father did behind my mum's back," he recalled. 

Though his family shared happy moments, he couldn't bring himself to believe they were actually happy. 

He started to change for the better when he turned 17. 

"I feel like I made peace with the fact I won't see my family happy again," he wrote. 

He got his act together, continued his studies in university, but admitted to feeling "suicidal" at that point. 

Opening up about his healing journey, he revealed: "Maybe because I was far from home, I didn't think so much about it. My relationship with my parents was actually okay. I just refused to believe we are a happy family."

His mum did eventually find out about his dad's infidelity. The man admitted to having "mixed feelings" about it as he felt bad for his mum and sister. 

He fears that his mum and sister will spiral like he did, and questions if he was "selfish" for not telling his mum about what he knew earlier, and if it made him a "bad son". 

He explained: "I'm not sad about the cheating, because I think I've made peace knowing about this alone when I was growing up. I'm someone problematic as a result of knowing this. But when my mum and sister found out, it made me wonder how long it would take for them to make peace with it."

Revealing that his parents have spoken about getting a divorce, he asks if he should be honest with his mum.

"I'm a son, and I don’t know how to have a deep conversation with my mum and sister to comfort them. My sister has friends she can confide in, but my mum doesn’t — she’s not that kind of modern mother. Her siblings don’t know about this either, and I feel like she’s relying on me alone to be her pillar, randomly texting me that she loves me and asking me to take care," he adds.

He’s torn about telling his mum the truth, unsure whether it would help or hurt.

"I love my mum so much. Maybe if I explain how this affected my upbringing and why I ended up problematic, it might help her see she didn’t fail as a mother — because she keeps blaming herself," he confessed, adding that he cried as he wrote the e-mail. 

Netizens felt heavy-hearted learning about the man's story — some admitted they teared up, while many left comforting and encouraging comments. Those who had sadly experienced similar struggles also shared advice on how he could cope.

"Coming from someone who went through the same thing when I was in my teen years, there's no need for you to tell your mum you knew about it earlier. Make peace with yourself. Be the pillar for you sister and mum, be their shoulder. Stay by your mum regardless [of] her decision, she just needs someone by her side to listen. No need to give her advice, just ensure her you are there regardless," urged one netizen. 

Another penned: "I watched my own father do the same, and somewhere along the way I turned into the angry daughter I still am today. I’ve survived heartbreaks from relationships, but none of them ever cut as deep as the hurt that came from him. A father’s betrayal leaves a wound that follows a daughter for life and some parts of it never truly heal."

Those with similar past experiences could relate to his situation. While some encouraged him to be honest with his mum, others felt that he should keep it to himself and focus on healing with his loved ones.

One commenter also opined: "If it were me, I wouldn't tell my mum but I would confront my dad and tell him that I knew all along."

The majority empathised with him, advising him not to blame himself or carry the burden of his father’s mistakes. They believed he shouldn’t have to bear that weight.

As a netizen puts it: "You were just a kid too."