Lin Peifen Opens Up About Her Miscarriage In 2019: "The Pain Will Always Be There"

The pain of losing a child is a feeling one would never forget.

In the latest episode of With Love, Becks, YES 933 DJ-turned newscaster Lin Peifen, 42, shared with Rebecca Lim, 38, about a miscarriage she suffered in 2019.

Peifen, who married computer engineer Lie Wei Xiang in 2014, shared that she really wanted to have a second child after having her first son, Luke, who's now nine.

"We kept trying and I was finally pregnant again after about four years, but I lost the baby at 11 weeks", she revealed.

Peifen eventually conceived again a year after the miscarriage. Her second son, Jude is now three.

The grief of her losing her baby, however, is something she still vividly remembers till today.

"The pain will always be there," she said to Becks with tears in her eyes. "Even now, I still recall the discomfort I went through and that sense of hopelessness I felt."

According to a post she shared in 2020 after giving birth to Jude, Peifen found out that she was bleeding a day before her gynae appointment. She then rushed to the clinic with her husband.

That was when they were informed that her foetus had "no heartbeat".

"In a flash, all our joy and hope were gone. I felt grief like never before. Shock, then anger, and then sorrow. I wanted to sink into my own darkness and weep," she wrote. 

"I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to live either," said Peifen, adding that she "cried more than ever" and hid in her room all day after the incident. 

Even after the miscarriage, Peifen had to endure bouts of immense physical pain as her body did not expel the foetus completely. 

She had to "stuff pills into [her] body" to expedite the process, which led to cramps and more bleeding. 

Around that time, Peifen discovered stories of mothers who had gone through the same thing and she realised she was not alone. 

She also found support through a good friend who unfortunately shared a similar experience.

"Since we could empathise with each other without putting it into words, we could give each other strength and positive energy," she said.