Chew Chor Meng Says He Hasn’t Been Able To Carry His Daughters Since They Were 2 Or 3; Thought Of Suicide After Being Diagnosed With Kennedy's Disease
The actor reveals the pain he went through when he was first diagnosed with the incurable disease.
He spoke about coming to terms with his condition on the latest episode of Quan Yifeng’s talk show Hear U Out.
Chor Meng is one tough cookie
It was back in 2008 when he was filming Love Blossoms 2 when the veteran actor felt something amiss physically. He was filming a scene where he was required to walk across the set but no matter how hard he tried or how many takes it took him, he just couldn’t seem to walk “normally” enough.
Chor Meng wondered if he was given a sign of what was to come even before he visited the doctor. “My character in Love Blossoms 2 had brain atrophy," said the actor. "The crew asked me to watch the Japanese drama 1 Litre Of Tears as reference as the story was about a girl who was suffering from degenerative disease. I noticed that my symptoms were quite similar to hers, which made me think if I had the same disease.”
His suspicions were confirmed after work one day.
Chor Meng and his wife
“After we wrapped for the day, we were supposed to board the bus to head back to Mediacorp. I just couldn’t lift my leg to climb the stairs, and I didn’t know why,” Chor Meng said. “So I told them to go ahead because my wife was coming to pick me up. After they left, I sat down and called my wife to ask her where she was and if she could pick me up.”
In August 2008, he was diagnosed with the disease and was told that it had no known cure,. He was also told that he had only two more years to live.
Chor Meng with his wife and daughters, who are all grown up now
At the hospital, Chor Meng “didn’t have much of a reaction and just accepted” his diagnosis. But reality only hit him when he walked into his children’s bedroom.
“[My daughters] were four and six then […] When I went to their room, I thought about how I wanted to watch my girls grow up, settle down, and maybe even give me grandchildren,” he admitted as tears welled up in his eyes.
“I haven’t had the strength to carry them since they were about two or three. The only time I’ve held them in my arms was when they were infants. When they were growing up, I couldn’t play with them or run around with them. My kids have been very considerate and they’ve never demanded that I play with them, and they’re always very careful around me. I’m very thankful for that.”
While he was still coming to terms with his diagnosis, the thought of ending his own life crossed his mind.
“I was struggling and couldn’t accept [my condition], so I thought of [suicide] because I didn’t want to live such a miserable life,” Chor Meng said. “Everybody has ups and downs to deal with, but this [was totally different]. I felt like someone was playing a prank on me — I didn’t grow up in a good environment, but things got better and I started earning money. Out of the blue, my health worsened as my popularity was declining and I didn’t know what was ahead.”
Coming to terms with his condition hasn't been easy, but he's done it
“I didn’t know how to deal with the strange looks that everyone would give me. I didn’t know how long I had left to live. There were times I felt vulnerable, and when that happened, negative thoughts flooded my mind,” Chor Meng said. “I’m grateful that my faith, family and friends stayed by my side. I told myself, ‘It’s okay. There are people who are having it worse than you. I must overcome this.’”
It was only later that doctors realised that there might have been some genetic changes, and that there was good news in store for Chor Meng. “In my eyes, a miracle happened [because] I didn’t die even after the two years. Even now, I’ll still be able to live for another 10 or 20 years, or maybe even more,” he said.
Living with his condition is a daily battle, but rather than saying that he’s a strong person, Chor Meng laughed and said that he’s “just a little more persistent than the average person”.
He likened life to a game of Chinese chess, musing: “I’m just a soldier who can only move slowly one step at a time. Like the soldier, I can’t take steps backwards either. I don’t think of being like other pieces on the board that can move around faster and in different directions. My only aim is to make my way onto the other side of the board at my own pace, and I think that’s good enough.”
He admits that his health is still on the decline, but that is it’s “somewhat stable”.
“Compared to 12 years ago, my health has definitely gotten worse, but it’s declining at a slower rate now, and I’m grateful for that alone.”
Click here to watch Part 2 of Chew Chor Meng's interview on Hear U Out.
Photos: Mediacorp, Chew Chor Meng's Instagram
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