Sheila Sim Didn't Dare Audition For Emerald Hill After Going On Hiatus For 3 Years: “I Didn’t Look After Myself Very Well”

The modelling industry is infamous for having such unhealthy and unattainable beauty standards, even the most perfect-looking beauties can feel insecure there.

Model-actress Sheila Sim is one of them. 

In a recent episode of Joanne Peh’s podcast What Do I Know?, the 40-year-old recalled being "scrutinised for everything" when she was a model.

Sheila was discovered at 16 while attending the wedding of her aunt Ivy Chng, who herself was a top model in the '80s.

"In modelling, there's an ideal beauty and a size to being beautiful, there's actually a measurement. When I cannot fit into the clothes, I would be like: 'Okay I'm really not good enough'," she said. 

Sheila was recently reminded by a friend that she used to only have a can of corn for dinner to maintain her weight during fashion week. It's something she now says she must have "subconsciously removed" from her memory.

Though she cannot remember her diet when she was a model, she was very conscious about her weight and size. 

"I kept wanting to become lighter. I'm 174cm and at my lightest, I was 47kg, but I would still call myself fat. My best friend told me: 'You were crazy back then. You would pinch that skin on your tummy, and tell me you were fat'," recalled Sheila. 

It also took the actress a while to be at peace with rejections, which was something that happened every other day when she was a model.

She recalled waiting in terrible weather conditions for two hours in Milan for a casting, only for the client to flip one page of her portfolio then slam it shut before telling her she could leave.

"There are so many types of brands, every one can't possibly like one person, you can't be the perfect model for every brand or job," asserted Sheila, who eventually started her own modelling agency.

After finally coming to terms with rejection, Sheila then ventured into acting, which she said has "another level [rejections]".

It was why she was unwilling to audition for new Mediacorp blockbuster Emerald Hill. 

Sheila was eventually cast as Zhang Yin Niang — the liberal and forward-thinking youngest daughter of the wealthy Zhang family. 

The actress attributed her fear to her insecurities, especially since she stopped acting for three years to spend time with her two daughters — Layla, four, and Skyla, two. 

"I really wasn't doing much. I didn't look after myself very well. I didn't exercise. I didn't put on make-up much. I didn't dress up. I was so out of touch with the entertainment industry and fashion also," she recalled, adding that she "lost a lot of [her] own identity" at that time. 

Her insecurities were further amplified as Emerald Hill, the long-awaited spin-off of 2008'sThe Little Nyonya, was projected to be a hit.

"There's going to be so much attention on it, the more I felt insecure and that I'm not good enough. I'm not going to come back and have people scrutinise me. If it were a smaller project, I can still kind of get away with it. But this is so big, all attention will be on it," she stressed. 

When she said she wasn't confident to take on the role and didn't want to become a burden, she was told: "An actor gets better by trying". 

She didn't reply to that message. She sat on it for a few days and reflected on herself before finally deciding to give the role a shot.

"To be honest, I never saw myself as a good actress because I was trained in modelling. Modelling is completely about not showing emotions and it is very static," she explained when asked where her biggest insecurities stemmed from.

"But acting is about portraying your emotions through your body language and facial expressions and digging up all your traumas. I'm really not good at that. I really try to cover a lot of it while growing up. Acting to me felt like a fish out of water."

In hindsight, she's thankful that she decided to go for the role, and now describes it as a "complete game-changer in [her] life". 

Most importantly, being in Emerald Hill has changed Sheila's mindset about parenting.

"I didn't think I could step away from them. I feel like they needed me. Bulls***! Sorry, but I needed them! I just wanted to be there and I couldn't let go lah," she exclaimed.

She thoroughly enjoyed her first day back work and basked in the social life she had been deprived of the past three years. 

"When I went on set, I used to hate the waiting time, like: 'Please lah I could do better [things] with this time'. But because I was at home so much, this time was spent just using my phone, writing, reading, chit-chatting with friends. It felt like a good break," she said.

Thanks to the show, she was also finally able to go on a trip without her kids and not feel guilt. 

Though Sheila didn't have any scenes in Malacca, she arranged to join the rest of the cast on a three-day trip there, which she noted is a drastic change for her.

"Before the audition, I would [tell the production team]: 'If I need to go overseas for filming, then I won't take on the job'," she laughed. 

"I found so much comfort and I'm so glad I did it. I think this is really healthy for me as a mother, and as a person," added Sheila.