These Lamington Potato Chips Are Not An April Fools’ Joke

The stalwart of Aussie school fund-raisers, these are squares of butter or yellow sponge cake covered in chocolate icing and speckled with shredded coconut. Purists insist on an unadulterated cake, but common variants include lamingtons which are cut through the middle with a ribbon of jam (most often strawberry), or more excitingly, debauched with a thick dollop of cream in addition to the jam.

Credit: Stoneground Bakery @stonegroundbakery

Smith’s chips retail in supermarkets in Singapore, but we only get their permanent range of flavours: Salt & Vinegar, Cheese & Onion, Original, and Barbecue. The Australian arm of the Smith’s Snackfood Company is where the fun happens as the brand has a history of releasing interesting limited-edition chip flavours. Like the Heinz Big Red Tomato Sauce & Meat Pie flavour released in 2003, or the ones released to commemorate the 2006 Commonwealth games: English Lamb and Mint, Australian Sausage Sizzle, and Canadian Bacon and Cheese.

When we first heard about these newish Lamington chips we fought down a momentary swell of disquiet and were cautiously excited. Even when horrified reviews started rolling in online, we kept the faith. Putting more faith in this flavour combination than we believe is warranted, Smith's marketing director Olivia Sutherland said, “We know Australians are increasingly keen to try new flavours, and interest is growing in sweet and savoury combinations… our latest innovation combines a sweet, quintessentially Aussie cake with Australia’s favourite potato chip.”

Imagine, if you will: you’re dating someone new and they’re really fond of coconut and chocolate. You’re on a date together. It’s hot out, and they’re wearing nail polish that’s barely dry, which accounts for the occasional whiffs of acetone. Their hands are coated in rivulets of the melted coconut ice cream they’re eating, and they’re slathered from head to toe in chocolate-scented body lotion, cloying and sickly-sweet. Suddenly, they turn into a potato and there’s nothing to do but to cut them into thin crinkled slices, and deep fry them. Now that’s the smell you get when you open a bag. Nail polish, melted coconut ice cream, cheap chocolate-scented body lotion and fried potato. However, if you can brave the worst of it, the flavour/smell soon dissipates, and the familiar comfort of salt and spud takes over. And really, it’s not that bad. We’ve had worse. Does anyone remember the unholy abomination that was blueberry-flavoured Pringles (available in Singapore back in 2010)?

We’re just relieved that this is a limited-edition flavour. You should be too.

Now, on to another Australian classic: the Vegemite. This time, not in a sandwich but a biscuit. Unfortunately, we only get boring flavours like Barbecue, Cheddar and Pizza Arnott’s Shapes biccies in Singapore. Described as “the spirit of the nation distilled down into a cracker”, Arnott’s far more exciting Vegemite & Cheese shapes was launched late 2018 with a campaign that heralded the biscuits as “a new Aussie legend”. The accompanying ad featured other Aussie ‘legends’ like Olympic Gold medallists Cathy Freeman and Giaan Rooney. Other ‘Aussie Legends’ flavours in the range not available in SG is the “Sausage Sizzle” and “Meat Pie”.

The late, great English author, Sir Terry Pratchett, described Vegemite as a “kind of horrible […] salty-tasting beery brown gunk”. But Anglo-Antipodean tribal ribbing aside, Vegemite, which was originally created as a Marmite alternative, is 98 years old this year, it’s longevity a testament to its ubiquity in pantries across the continent. If there ever was an iconic Australian food product, this nonagenarian would be it. It’s the only food product in the National Museum of Australia’s ‘Symbols of Australia’ exhibition, listed alongside items like the kangaroo, boomerang and Uluru. Umami, yeasty, meaty, salty, with notes that we are tempted to describe as almost ‘floral’, vegemite has a flavour profile that is more multi-faceted but less accessible than Marmite or Bovril.

These biscuits are shaped like the Australian continent, sans Tasmania. This isn’t the first time the island state has been left off topographical representations of the land down under. It happens so often that its even got its own Wikipedia entry: Omission of Tasmania from maps of Australia. This time however, Tasmania was deliberately left out because it couldn’t be included “without causing an unacceptable level of breakage” according to an Arnott’s spokesperson. The packaging makes direct reference to the omission however, and there are errant broken pieces in the box that could look vaguely Tassie-shaped if you squinted hard enough.

As with all Shapes variants, the initial biscuit is a dry, crumbly mess, but once the salivary glands start going into overtime — whoa, flavour town. The ragged terrain of each biscuit is flecked with flavour bits that pool in the little crevices. It tastes very much like vegemite, but milder and not quite as sharp. The cheese rounds out the flavour, giving it a mellow pungency, however much of a contradiction in terms that might seem.

It’s salty, crunchy, and addictive. We ate half the box in a sitting. Arnott’s should offer this flavour in Singapore, too.

While the limited-edition Smith’s Lamington Chips & Arnott’s Vegemite & Cheese Shapes aren’t sold in Singapore, they used to be available via Ally’s Basket https://www.allysbasket.com/, an online retailer offering a range of groceries direct from Australia, though it has stopped taking orders for now due to shipping disruptions caused by the Covid-19 pandemic.