Wish Upon (PG13)
Starring Joel King, Ryan Philippe
Directed by John L Leonetti
This awfully scare-free, accidentally amusing, toothless morality fable is so bad that you wish it didn’t exist. The Conjuring’s Joey King plays a young girl who gets her hands on a Chinese musical box that grants her seven wishes. (That’s four more what your regular genie in the bottle grants!).
Wait, the box understands her desires in English? Does it have Google Translate, too? It must have ’cos something is lost in translation whenever she makes a wish (she wants wealth, popularity and love) — people start dropping dead, Final Destination-style.
Enter her classmate and token Asian (The Maze Runner’s Lee Ki Hong) to help her look into this odd octagon-shaped antique — a pure Hollywood hogwash, by the way, a potpourri of all Chinese mystical things.
Guess what? He doesn’t, but his hottie cousin, who lives in an opium den-looking loft, does. Good thing she reads some ancient Chinese and that most of the stuff about the box’s supernatural backstory is online.
Seriously, the info is online. Memo to the producers: If they ever make a sequel (doubtful), make one about the guy who wrote the Wikipedia entry. (*1/2)