Zoe Tay’s Child-raising Tips

“We have a new points system which Philip [my hubby] came up with. They get a point if they do something good, and when they reach 100 points, they get to choose something they like, preferably a book. I want them to learn that they have to earn things. Because Brayden can count now, he’ll help Ashton tabulate his points. He’a also very good at bargaining. I think this system works. The brothers will do things for one another to earn points, and I see them bonding more.”

“I enrolled Brayden for art class, and Philip said, “He cannot lah!” but I insisted, because I’m helping him build an interest. Art is something that is limitless, and whether you’re good at it or not, it’s fun. And guess what, I was right. (Laughs) What does he draw? Mostly me. (Laughs) His teacher told me that every picture he draws is about mummy. I was so touched — can cry, you know! Once, he drew a picture of the four of us, and I pointed to the tallest character and asked if that was daddy. And he said that was me. The teacher then told me that whoever the child draws as the tallest person is the most important to him. I was so happy!”

“I’m in a dilemma about this. I don’t want to pressure them too much but I believe that I’m doing it for their future. When Brayden says I force him to do homework, I tell him, “Yes, I force you, but I’m doing it for your own good. You will thank me next time. I fought with him about going for math class, which he hated because it took up his free time, but now he likes it and gets very excited when he can count. I know taking three subjects is very tough on him. At the beginning, I thought he couldn’t manage because he was struggling, but he did it. His hanyu pinyin is even better than mine now.”

“I believe in caning, as I think it’s bad not to punish naughty children. But it’s really the last resort. It’s heartbreaking when I cane them. When my husband canes them, it’s worse — I actually cry. I once told my kids, “If you do naughty things, I’ll call the police. Not to send you, but to send me to the police station, so I don’t have to take care of you forever.” And they’ll get worried and say, “Mummy, don’t go…”

“I don’t even dare think of them getting first place in class. I haven’t started being serious about grades yet. My husband comes from a background where he didn’t need to be forced to study. He’s the self-study type — very ang moh — and he did very well. My family’s way was, “Study! Cannot watch TV!” and my results were so lousy. (Laughs) Philip’s sister was also very good in her studies. That was how his mum educated her kids and it worked so well, so what can I say, right?"